emotional epilepsy

I had a wonderful moment today. So wonderful that I feel the need to immediately record it. These intense feelings may also be intensified by all this John Williams I am listening to. Currently, I've got the Luke & Leia theme from Return of the Jedi on repeat. It's absolutely glorious.
Tonight I was IMing my friend Eric from high school, whom I "talk" to online every few months or so. He's busy taking on the world in his own way. He's studying Finance at UPenn's Wharton and is currently over in London doing something with Economics. I'd give it 2 years before he has his own business and it's in the Fortune 500. He's just that kind of guy. I flirted with the idea of asking him to prom way back in the day, but he has since confessed to me that it wouldn't have worked since I'm not Jewish. He's a horribly pretentious jerk sometimes, but after taking AP English 12 together, I don't see how we couldn't have bonded. That class was, in many strange, strange ways...life changing. Our teacher, Mrs. Murphy (who dressed only in clothes from Gap Kids, I think) would say the most mind-bending amazingly intelligent things, and confused the hell out of all of us. We never really knew what to do with this essay or that essay, and for many classes Molly and I would end up in the library reading Vogue. And we were all too terrified to really ask for a better explanation. She was about 5 feet tall, absolutely tiny, and had that piercing, steel blue eyes. I also think I saw her smile a total of ten times. She didn't really care what we did and never kept track, but for some reason we all did the work that we guessed was assigned to us. But in the end we all came out with wonderful AP scores. Around the time we were graduating Mrs. Murphy was looking into adopting a child from Vietnam, who would be her 5th child. I hope she's well now. She was absolutely fascinating and so amazingly smart. I would love to be friends with her.
Ok. MUST KEEP ON TRACK.
Today, while talking with Eric, he asked me how Germany is, if I like him, how long I'm here, etc. So I told him I'm here for the next year, studying German, Philosophy, and hopefully some French. I explained to him that for the most part, I plan on taking it easy, doing a lot of traveling, learning a bit about wine, meeting new people, spending all my money on train tickets and chocolate crepes. For some reason, while doing this, I think I had an out of body experience for a moment. I hate phrasing it that way, because I think it's absolutely cheesy when people do that. But this really was an idea that came out of nowhere and slapped me across the face.
I was just reading these wonderful things I was listing and I thought to myself "Gee...I'd love to live like that." Then, 2 seconds later when I came to my senses, I smiled to myself after remember that those were my words. I own those words and that life. The thought still makes me smile. What a wonderful thing, to be envious of your own life.
This means a lot to me, considering the other day I was randomly moved to tears while listening to a snippet of the score of Meet Joe Black. For those of you who are interested, I happen to think the scores of Meet Joe Black, Pearl Harbor, and Cinderella Man are amazing. The movies themselves are decent, but I think I enjoy listening to them more than seeing them. Anyway, Julia and I were sitting in my kitchen doing homework and I had my computer speakers hooked up to my IPod so we could listen to something classical. And for a good 10 seconds, I think I zoned out and suddenly had tears in my eyes. This happens sometimes. It's like emotional epilepsy. I'll be listening to something that I find wonderful, I'll lose myself in it, and then I'll hate myself for not molding my life around something that moves me so quickly. Then I'll just suddenly be crying and I don't know why until I retrace my stpes. Julia got all worried about me, but I quickly calmed myself down and shook it off. I haven't thought about it since.
So, for me to feel so strongly about a life that at this moment doesn't even include music, I believe is a good sign. Obviously, I plan on being musical here in Freiburg. One more year without singing and I think that I'd explode. Music will always, always be a part of me, but it doesn't have to be all of me. I have good books, family, ice cream, and beautiful fall days, zum Beispiel (for example). I am making the most of my life. This I know.
Alright, I just wanted to recapture that moment. Tomorrow I have to be at the Hauptbahnhof (main train station) at 9 AM to go run around Switzerland for a day. My body will not be happy about the idea of being vertical that early in the day. Schade.