Ferrell and Freud

Ahh! To feud with one's ex-boyfriend at 3 AM over the Internet is truly an exciting experience.
I'm a horrible ex-girlfriend.
Craig, after asking me numerous times if it was ok, booked a plane ticket to come visit me over Christmas. Now, this plan sounded wonderful. I'd have someone I was comfortable with over the holidays, someone to travel with, someone to protect me from creepy dudes in southern Europe...
But then, for once, I started listening to my father, who used the word "closure" several times and then reminded me (for the 500th time) that what guys say and what guys mean are two very different complex things. Our relationship ended when I flew across the ocean, but what I didn't make clear to Craig was that it would have ended regardless. And, I should have. I shouldn't have agreed to have him come here, hope to rekindle things, etc. I was trying to be nice and vague, which is unlike me...Odd.
So, I started thinking about it, and I thought about it a lot. I went back and reread snippets from my journal and I thought about what I want to be doing in December. And I decided that if you sincerely think a guy still has feelings for you and you don't reciprocate those feelings, dragging him around Europe with you over the holidays is not a good idea. I also have no idea what my relationship status will be over Christmas. Probably single, but I never know when Mr. Wonderful European will come crashing in, assuming he eventually does. Yes, I do want to be friends with Craig, but it's too soon and much to dramatic to spend 2 weeks inseparable with each other in a foreign country. Maybe when I get back home we can go grab lunch together, but this is too much.
He argued that he's find with being friends, being easygoing, not letting things affect him...but it's so easy to say that from a couple thousand miles away. Weird, unpredictable things happen when people who use to be close are back together with each other. I hope to avoid that so as not to make the both of us miserable. I just feel like his being here could go wrong very quickly, and I don't want him to waste that much time or money. I just wish my timing hadn't been so off, because I'm really screwing him over big time. But, this is what I think is for the best.
So, Craig, as you are reading this, I hope you realize that I am sorry. I really am. I hope you understand why I'm doing this.
Bah. I feel like a fool.

Anyway, planning my short term future has been the theme as of late. That and wandering aimlessly. Yesterday Alex and I took off to take tourist pics of Freiburg, since the weather was absolutely perfect. He's been in Europe since early June and leaves to go home to visit his family tomorrow, so his mother asked him to take home some pics of F-burg. He invited me along to explore and gloated about getting to go eat sushi when he's home. I am doing my best not to hold this against him.
We decided to climb up Schlossberg, which wasn't terribly difficult but was wonderfully refreshing. At the top there's this big, scary, only-slightly-sturdy-looking tower that I braved. I hate heights and now know how to say "I'm scared of heights" two different ways in German. I figure that makes it legitimate.
Anyway, the view was spectacular and once at the top, I relaxed a bit and enjoyed the breeze. We leaned on the railing, stared out at the city below us, and talked a bit about our goals and reasons for being here. He's such an easy-going guy. It's hard to be stressed out around him.
We rewarded ourselves with ice cream in the Muensterplatz after. I am becoming lovingly devoted to Stracciatella. Bliss.

I couldn't imagine going home right now. I mean, obviously I miss my family and my closest friends like crazy, but I don't feel like being immersed again into American culture is a good plan right now. Even though I get so frustrated so often, I have made amazing advances in my German skills. Going home would ruin all of that. I've started saying really odd things in English, which is so exciting for me. German is also starting to flow more quickly, even though my accent is still atrocious.
As Julia said "I want my English to suck when I go home!"
And, yes, it's different over here, but it's not so different. There's nothing I'm dying without. The things which I miss the most are foods that are terrible for me and hip-hop music. So, really, things that I'm better off without.
Then again, I'm not even 2 months in. We'll see how my mind changes.

Today I spent all day with Stephanie and Wolf, wandering around bookstores in Freiburg. First we got Chinese food, which was probably more amazing and healthier than the same food in the US. Impossible, you say? Then come visit, and we will enjoy some Onkel Wok.
Thus far, I have kept myself out of bookstores, given that I have been too busy to do the amount of reading I do in the States. But it was time to get my fix, and I did. By the 4th bookstore, we found a whole section for books in English. I swear, the heavens opened up and angels came down, too. Right there in Buchhandlung Romach.
After making Wolf and Stephanie wait for me to go through every book there, I finally decided on 'Everything Is Illuminated' and 'White Teeth'. Afterward I lovingly took off the sticker, pre-creased them, and wrote my name in them. I have issues when it comes to book buying, but I figure it's better than drug addiction.
I spent the rest of the night in Stephanie's living room/kitchen. I successfully made potatoes in a pan, which was another small victory for me in the kitchen. Stephanie also shared some of her espresso with me, which was a bad plan that led to a lot of bad dancing to bad techno. Daniel came home from studying and quizzed our German a bit more. He'd just take a dictionary and say random words in English and wait for an answer from us. He's really easy to talk to in German and is fun to joke with. We tried, in vain, to describe to him the genius of Will Ferrell, but I think he refused to take us seriously because we were watching Sex & the City. Hey. Fair enough.
Tomorrow I go in at 2 to talk to Frau Mittman and schedule my classes. I've sort of picked out a few...I'm not that concerned. Anything I take here counts for my major and I plan on staying on the simple side of things. I also probably won't have any Friday classes, which will be spectacular. I am apprehensive about these classes, but I don't think I'm over my head.
We've also now bought train tickets to Prague and reserved 3 beds in an 8 Bed Mixed Dorm in a hostel for 5 nights. I also might add that I am in charge of these tickets since we only got one printed ticket for me, Stephanie, and Maryia. And I made the reservations, which was another new experience for me. I have also made a list of places I want to go and have researched the times and days in which they are open. For students, the Sigmund Freud museum in Vienna is only 5 Euro!
I feel like a travel agent and/or a huge nerd. More the latter. I was originally just going with Stephanie and Maryia, but Julia found out today that her dad's not visiting anymore, so she'll be with us as well.
We leave for Prague at 10:57 on Wednesday and will be on trains for 9 and a half hours. This, my friends, is why I am loading up on literature, since my friends will undoubtedly get bored with me after 3 hours. Probably less.
Alright it's time to go climb up into my loft and pass out into my Ikea bedspread.